Unplanned but never unwanted

It's open topic today at Marriage Monday so let me repost my previous article which I haven't shared to MM yet.

I and hubby got an unplanned child but we always tell everyone, "unplanned but never unwanted!".  When I learned that I was having that late pregnancy, I was not ready to accept the reality because I had closed my mind to have only 2 kids. I was then happy and contented having both genders, 2 adorable kids who could always make my day even at the toughest time at work or the most pressing challenges in life so never did it cross my mind to have another one as I was already 40 then. But reprocessing my mindset was not really hard for me especially that I never go for the idea of abortion. My 2 kids who were then 10 and 9 even cried when they learned of my unexpected pregnancy so we explained to them that if we consider abortion, what if it's not successful? We asked them, "would you like to have a sibling who has deformity or handicap?" And they got our message clear. Now, our unplanned baby has grown into a wonderful toddler. He is our glue, our music box and above all, our health-booster and anti-aging secret.

Our unplanned baby is  our glue because he sticks us together. Everyone wants to go home early excited to play and bond with him. Instead of going somewhere else or hanging around, everyone in the household hurries to go home all because of him so we all bond together as a family.

Our unplanned but loved baby  is our music box because strangely, among our 3 kids even if the other 2 are highly inclined in music, our unplanned baby started to sing with the right tune and with a very good expression at an early age. He could sing "Twinkle, twinkle little star" perfectly even before he turned one. There are times that he starts singing the moment he wakes up and he fills our home with music. Just listening to him drives the stresses in life away.

Most of all, this unplanned baby has turned out to be our health-booster and our anti-aging formula. Hubby and I have to stay young, fit and strong as we always think of our late baby. There are even times when I get some minor illness and I think right away of my little boy. I must really get well as I have the fear in mind that if my illness gets worse or if I die, what about my baby? This kind of fear has made me take care of my health all the more. I think that my 2 older kids can already survive without me and will understand the situation, but not my toddler yet.  And he's too young and innocent to be left behind. We have to be strong to play with him and to sustain his needs until he is grown-up. So, he's not only our health-booster but also our main anti-aging  factor. Yes, he truly keeps us young and healthy!

So we thank God for our unplanned baby who turned out to be a great blessing to us all. He is never unwanted; in fact, our late bundle of joy is dearly loved by us all.

More interesting Marriage Monday posts over at Chrysalis.

Learning from Monster-in-Law

To ease the growing tension while waiting for the flood to come to our area when a 3-day holiday was declared in Bangkok last week, I and my SIL (sister-in-law) did enjoy movie marathons including Monster-in-Law, a comedy. Mother-in-law-to-be, Viola (played by Jane Fonda) turns the life of Charlotte or Charlie (Jennifer Lopez) into a nightmare. I appreciate how Charlie did her best to still try to be submissive at times to her fiance's mother despite all her cunning schemes to drive her away from her only son, a famous surgeon. Viola, whose TV talk show has just been canceled, thinks that her only possession left is her only child, Kevin, so she does everything to catch his attention and solely possess him. But in the end, both women come into terms giving the movie a happy ending. The title character, Monster-in-Law, Viola, has a big heart after all and is just carried away by the uncontrollable circumstances of her life. Charlie also tries to understand how her MIL got affected by the loss of her job and she's forgiving enough so settling their differences seems easy. This is very encouraging for women who are struggling with their mother-in-law (MIL), that's why I thought of sharing it here in Marriage Monday over at Chrysalis, where thinking Christian women meet every first and third Monday of the month.

Personally, I'm thankful to God that I didn't have big issues with my late mother-in-law including the family of my husband as they are nice and unique from each other. Although at the first month of our marriage we had some minor issues having lived with my husband's family, we resolved such issues by deciding to leave their family compound and live on our own. Probably, if we continued to live with my husband's family, it would have taken longer to settle our own individual differences as husband and wife. Well, it's prevalent in Asian culture to stay with the extended family but I have seen a lot of troubled (some broken) marriages due to interference of in-laws, especially MIL. That's why the Biblical principle really makes a lot of sense:

For this cause, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh... (Genesis 2:24-25)

A close friend of mine lost her marriage due to interference of both side's in-laws. They never got the chance to strengthen their union and settle their individual differences on their own because they stayed with her husband's family and they saw just her negatives. If the couple got a fight, the husband's family would side him and he would  listen to them instead of protecting his wife until such time that my friend's mother took courage to confront the husband's family. And the situation got worst until they separated with their innocent child getting affected with both side's conflicts until now. I asked her recently if the situation would have been different had they lived on their own. She said it could be but it's too late now. She told me that her husband's mind had been polluted a lot by her in-laws drawing a very bad image of her that they thought such marriage would be unfair to their son they love so much (or his big income they also need?). Had they lived on the Biblical principle of leaving their own families early on to establish their own marital relationship, they would have not been torn apart. Although there are a lot of marriages that have been broken even if they live on their own, in many Asian cultures, staying with the extended family or allowing in-law interference has been recorded as one major factor.

While it is our culture to take care of our old folks in which we are bound to keep, it is advisable that  at the early stage of marriage, couples should stay away from them to allow the building of a strong marital bond. It is also reasonable as the parents are still strong to take care of and support themselves so that when the couple is already well established, usually when their own kids are already grown-ups, it is the best time to take in the grannies to stay with them. At this stage, they are too old to criticize and the marital bond of the couple is already strong enough to get affected.

As to the ending of the Monster-in-Law, it's only when Viola, the mom-in-law, left the new couple alone that her beloved son found true happiness with his union with Charlie. But if the couple chose to stay with such a situation and Viola persisted to pester them, they could never have peace and happiness. Since it's not easy to control our parents, taking a big step to stay away from them upon marriage to work things out as a husband and wife is a great way towards the establishment of a blissful marriage. Unselfish parents should be happy to see their children with a happy family, but because there is this tendency for the parents especially the mother for attention rivalry for a son she dearly loves against the daughter-in-law (DIL), then DILs should be more understanding.

Happy Marriage Monday everyone!

Reflections on the Flood

 So much damages, tensions and anxieties have been brought by the flood here in Thailand. It made a lot of people in Bangkok including us to hoard food supplies as there have been rumors that Bangkok, even if flood-walled, will still be inundated with waters coming from the provinces especially during the high tides. But thank God it has not happened, at least in our area, as some districts such as my friend's where these photos here were taken are already affected. My Thai friend told me that this has never happened here in 50 years. This calamity gave me an opportunity to discuss with her about prophecy and salvation.

 I told her that I don't wonder if such things are happening. Climate change and global warming are some signs that the end is coming near as prophesied in the Bible that there will be disasters one after another. We have seen that calamities such as tsunami, earthquakes and floods cannot be controlled even by the most sophisticated technology on earth. But I told her that with Jesus Christ in our life, we will be assured of salvation. I pointed out to her that we can never run away with our wealth just like these cars parked on the highway left by the owners who have fled anywhere to save themselves, which she readily agreed. How much more when God will judge the world and burn in hell all the sinners  who never repented and accepted Jesus as their Savior and Lord?

 

This disaster that has plagued Thailand is just a reminder that this world is but our temporary home and we need a Living God that can save us from the wrath of sin and will someday take us to heaven where there will never be calamities, pains and sorrows anymore. Let me share this inspiring song to you:

Three Famous Adopted Men Molded by Great Adoptive Parents

Today's topic at Marriage Monday, where thinking Christian women meet every other Monday, is on infertility. A couple who is not blessed with a child, after they have tried all scientific and medical means but still fail, may just choose to enjoy each other's company for life or opt to adopt a child. If I were not blessed with kids, I'd choose the latter. I'd like to simply argue here that adopted children,  if brought up well, can become great individuals and, therefore, be beneficial to the society and to their adoptive parents. Let's take the examples of three adopted children (although there are a lot more) who rose into fame with their humble background. Thanks to this meme that made me know their roots due to the topic of infertility.

Let me start with the one who just passed away, Apple founder and CEO, Steve Jobs. While my next 2 examples were adopted when they were 9, Steve Jobs was turned over to his adoptive parents shortly after his birth. As the 1950's saw the conservative puritan American culture, Jobs's biological parents were not allowed to wed as his father who was a political science professor was a Syrian Muslim. At that time, a child outside wedlock was scorned by society so his American mother who became a speech pathologist after her graduate studies with Steve's father was forced to give him for adoption to an accountant and a machinist, Paul Jobs. Their home garage, where his adoptive dad, Paul, exposed him to tinker machines, which accordingly developed young Steve into becoming the man behind what many enjoy now - iPod, iPhone, iPad, MacBook, etc.

Another adopted child who turned into a great leader is Nelson Mandela. Although he grew up with his real mom and dad, who died when he was 9, his step-dad's leadership influence in the community significantly molded Mandela to become a famous charismatic leader himself.

Although there are many other adopted people who rose above their childhood background, the last but not the least in this post is Barrack Obama. With an Irish-English mother and a Kenyan father, who later died due to a disease,  Obama, like Mandela, was adopted by his stepfather, who was an Indonesian. Obama's step-dad was also a leader so no wonder why he was brought up to become a leader, too.

The common denominators of all these three iconic leaders are, of course, their genes and environment. Even if they got their important traits from their biological parents, they picked up their values largely by the way they were raised by their adoptive parents especially in the case of Steve Jobs. While environment plays a vital role in the child's growth and development, if you want to have a great chance of having a potentially smart adoptive child, do a background check on the family history of your prospective child to adopt. But if you want to adopt a child without specifications, you are showing a truly unconditional parental and  God's love. Many couples have done it and are happy with their adopted child. My dear friend did it and now her 2-year old adopted baby has grown to be a lovable and smart boy and he serves as a real bundle of joy to her and her husband.

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Resolution: Household Cost-Cutting and Maximum Saving

With the kids growing fast, which means growing needs, too, we have to be more proactive by planning ahead well. We don't have to wait for the new year to make resolutions. Now, that our kids have already planned what to take up in college, hubby and I have become more pressured for the projected educational costs. So, we have agreed to save more by living below -NOT BEYOND- our means to help us make our kids realize their educational goals and for us to retire smoothly. We still have to enjoy life to the fullest but must keep our goals in mind so we agreed on the following, which may also be helpful to you, dear readers:

1. Cut down the budget on food by avoiding high calorie and cholesterol-loaded choices. It's the best way for a healthy diet as high calorie and cholesterol foods are usually the more expensive (and fattening) ones such as meats, baked, processed and preserved foods. So hubby and I have agreed to subsist mainly on fish and plant-based foods such as legumes, fruits, vegetables and other natural (unprocessed) foods which abound and are cheap here in the "Land of Smiles" and even in our hometown, GenSan. In this way, we can live more healthily so we also cut down medical and hospitalization budgets in the long run. 

2. Don't live by credits. The economic crunch in the US presented us the fact that millions of households get by on credit cards causing them to abruptly shift gears at the bad turn of events. With this scenario, I have promised hubby not to use credit cards again except in real emergencies. Travels which needed to be booked online using a credit card have caused my accumulated credit spending, which has accumulated interests as well. I hate to think of the big interests I've been paying for credit cards even if there are lots of perks and rewards for using them. Oh, we should not be deceived by the rewards as they just entice us to use credit cards more and lure us to forget the compounded interests and our capacity to pay on time! So, if there's no cash to pay your credit card right away, don't travel or purchase anything (unless for emergency) using credit cards. We should save first and enjoy later if we have extra money for any luxury or leisure. 

3. Buy only the necessities.  Hubby assessed our buying lately and we identified stuffs which were not necessary for us to buy. If I open our closets, I find some clothes I bought by impulse which I have not used after all. We also bought some gadgets which are not really of dire necessities. If we sum up the money we used for buying those non-necessities, sometimes using credit cards with interests, they could have been added to our savings.

4. Go for items on sale but of good quality. I've been doing this for a long time but let me include this here for you, dear readers, in case you're not practicing it yet. I've cut costs a lot by looking for our needs on sale. We are lucky to have a Lotus Express right in front of our condo so I'm always on guard for sale items including fresh fruits, vegetables, rice and even toiletries and other household needs. When I buy hubby's or my kids' clothes, I also go for quality but on sale items. Again, be cautious not to buy things because they're cheap or on sale but you don't actually need them or they are close to expiry as they may end up getting spoiled if you don't consume them right away. Or because the food is near expiry, you need to consume it all, so it's not saving after all. In shore, don't buy by impulse. It pays to be practical when buying things.

5. Let every household member aware of the family goals and orient everyone to save. If we want to save more effectively and in a bigger scale, let's orient everyone in the household to set a goal and to practice saving. In our case, we always remind our kids of our big project so they focus their minds on it. We ask them to be frugal and careful in everything even with their school supplies, clothing, etc. We emphasize to them that whatever necessary things they waste needs to be replaced, which requires an amount. Even hubby had to totally cut his spending on his coffee, which is not necessary for him to survive. In fact, it's not good for his health. Every cent counts and it becomes big in the long run.

Whatever we do NOW determines our future so let's be effective planners, wise spenders and be good stewards of what we have. Cut down the expenses on unnecessary things and be economical and practical in buying ONLY the necessities. Most of all, to live a stress-free life, let's not live beyond our means and save, save, save. 

(This article will be printed in the Health & Home magazine in the Philippines.)

Homeschool, Public or Private?

As parents, our children's education is one of our biggest responsibilities. And it is every parent's wish to give the best education to his/her children. It has been a challenge for me and hubby to decide which school to send our children especially when we relocated here in Bangkok, where international schools are quite expensive. At first, we thought of homeschooling our kids. But with both of us working, we realized that giving the best time to our job and just the remaining time to our own kids after work would not be the best choice for our dear ones. We are not also experts in teaching them all the subjects they may need to prepare them for getting a good college education. Besides, with the nature of our 2 kids being so outgoing and hyperactive, homeschooling them would limit their opportunity to develop more social skills, leadership, and other soft skills they need to learn by mingling with other kids in school.

So hubby and I had 2 options left for discussion: private or public school. Public schools have good curriculum and programs but if the kids are not in the star or top sections, they are not really well taken care of (except for a few public schools like Science High). With 40-50 students in a class, individual needs may not be properly addressed. Although I argued that there are other opportunities public schools can offer such as the competitions kids can join to make them more skillful in different aspects such as in academics and sports contests up to the national levels, which some private schools don't usually join, hubby looked at the bigger picture by assessing what values and other considerations are more important to us as a family. So we did pray hard for guiding us in our decision and we really felt God's leading with how He prepared the way for us.

All right, so why did we choose private school education? It's not just private education but Christian education. With our kids away from us, although we're praying to be together again next year, we have to be wary of  their environment, which should be safe and wholesome putting into consideration the influences of their peers and adults around them. I'm not saying though that we are fully throwing all responsibilities, such as valuing, to the boarding school even if it's a Christian school. We, of course, are still responsible of inculcating the values and imposing discipline we want them to grow with no matter what. But in our assessment, their school is one of the best in our area that many parents even the most conservative ones I highly respect send their kids there to stay at the dorm, instead of staying with a family at the villages around or outside school apartments.

Back in their previous school,  both of them used to have their own caretaker in our family who would prepare everything for them including their food and their clothes. Now, in their present school where they stay in a dormitory for the first time, they have to manage themselves and their time very well. They have schedule for eating at the cafeteria. If they don't go to the caf on time, they won't be able to eat as it closes in an hour. So this is one good training we want in their new school to help them with their maturity. They have, of course, a very loving and caring dean for each dorm, whom we can communicate with more often. We also love the idea that they have devotional time - both in the boys' and the girls' dorm - every morning and evening for their spiritual growth. They also share a room with other dormitorians so as early as high school, they learn to get along with others through their room-mates. Actually, my 12-year old boy had a problem with this during his first 2 weeks in the dorm as he didn't know how to respect the older boys, which is important in our culture. He has learned his lesson fast, anyway, as his cousin, his senior for 3 years, happened to be his room-mate and he helped and taught him a lot to adjust. 

We have seen so many improvements in our 14-year old girl and 13-year old boy in their new school. They have learned to take their own clothes to the laundry and now they love to iron their own clothes, which they weren't allowed to do before. They have learned to be independent as they also budget their own allowances and above all, they have become more prayerful and dependent on God. My boy used to grumble with our long prayer during family worship time before but now he reported to us that they take turns in praying or leading the daily devotional in the boys' dorm and they usually have prayer bands that take longer. But he beams with excitement when he shares his new experiences at his new school. He's so happy that now he has more time to play tennis, badminton, Frisbee and basketball than in his old school. He has also joined the violin ensemble serving in the church while he is also learning piano and violin. His older sister is also assigned to play the piano to accompany the congregation at worship from time to time or be the speaker during worships or devotionals so they have balanced development, not just academics and sports.

We thank God that their first grading report showed that both of them have excelled in their classes so we give all the glory to God. Despite their being away from us, they have been doing so well. But even if they're doing well academically, we really value more their spiritual growth, the development of their character especially at their formative years which can't be put off at a later time for "what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?" (Matthew 16:26).

For more interesting posts about Children, please visit Marriage Monday over at Chrysalis. 

Communicating Effectively in Marriage

           Today's topic at Marriage Monday is one key factor in making a relationship work (or ruining it) - COMMUNICATION. Communicating effectively in whatever kind of relationship, especially with someone you want to spend the rest of your life, takes a great deal of practice and effort. Here are just 3 but useful tips on how to communicate effectively in marriage whether in solving conflicts or simply planning for the family:

1. Find a perfect timing.  This may sound simplistic but first of all, if you want to get your spouse to discuss with you attentively and productively particularly on crucial matters, learn to time it when you think your spouse is in the best mood to talk with you. For example, if your spouse has just arrived from work and is very tired or hungry, s/he may need some time to relax and eat first before s/he can engage with you for a talk. Read your spouse's nuances and body language to get a perfect timing to communicate especially in dealing with serious and sensitive matters. It is also good to schedule a regular time to talk to each other. Some successful couples I know (including my parents who will be celebrating their golden wedding anniversary next year) do it every dawn when they are well rested and  their minds are still fresh so that they can think very well.  


2. Focus on the issue/s. Couples can resolve conflicts more easily if they stay focused on the issue. If there's more than one issue on a problem, resolve them one by one. Don't leave any issues unresolved or it may worsen the situation or it may lead to another problem. If it can't be solved at one sitting, it should be made clear to both parties that the rest of the issues will be discussed later. Focusing on the issues after identifying and recognizing them also help save time and come up with more sound solution to the problem.

Photo from petertheplanner.com

3. Learn to compromise. The best solution to any problem is a Win-win situation but if it's not possible, as couples are two different individuals with different tastes, values, backgrounds, upbringings, etc., it is only by compromising that they can ultimately resolve a conflict. One may win in an argument and feel great but s/he may alienate the other. In Christian model of marriage, however, living under God's authority includes benefits and sacrifices for both partners, which in most cases involve ego and selfishness. If you truly love your spouse, then you may sacrifice your ego or yourself for the sake of solving a conflict or saving a relationship.
      "All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender. For it is all give and no take," Mohandas Gandhi wisely puts it which is applicable to all relationships and in  communications. There are even times when we just need to be an "listener" but not necessary to say anything. Again, if both partners believe in the Christian perspective that "it is better to give than to receive," then there will be less conflicts in the relationship as both are willing to give, give, give.

Of course, the common denominator of all these three tips revolve around LOVE and RESPECT, the foundations of any marriage. You find a perfect timing because you love and respect your spouse. The same is true with focusing on the issue so you won't accuse your spouse of any baseless and irrelevant issues and call him/her names. And you compromise because of your love and respect for your partner. So if there's true love and mutual respect in both parties when communicating, screaming or hurting each other, or worse - parting ways - will be avoided.

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Happiness is...

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant",  says Robert Louis Stevenson while Mikhael Dominico says, "strength will grow from the heart, blossom as results, and wither in others' hearts as seeds".  I need such inspiring quotes at this moment as I have tasks get piling up including ones that are beyond my scope of work but I want to plant good seeds, anyway, and harvest later. That's how I draw strength - definitely from nice thoughts - for me to sustain. Because if we harbor ill or negative thoughts, we easily get stressed and we feel unhappy, but if we have the right attitude in what we do, no matter how taxing and demanding it is, positive energy will simply generate and flow in. Isn't life more beautiful if we go extra mile than just going the same route everyday? Boring, isn't it?  
"The important thing is this:  To be able at any moment to sacrifice that which we are for what we could become,"   Charles DuBois states which I completely adhere to. Such a nice thought! And so I have given up eating my lunch on time and going home on time 4 weeks now in a row just to prop up people to get onto their ladder of success. Whether or not I get back later material rewards (in most cases I don't:)  in going out of my comfortable way or beyond extra miles ,  the joy I feel in doing so is more than a blessing to count. That's how I simply spell happiness.

Overwhelming deadlines, deadlines, deadlines!

Since I got back from Korea for an international conference last week of July, I got so much piled up work to do. Oh, deadlines, deadlines, deadlines! But life is full of them. How can we get away from the reality of meeting due dates in the household, in the workplace or even in the community we live in? We have bills and kids' tuition fees to pay on time, bank accounts to update, paperwork to submit, meetings to attend, etc. etc. But it's all learning what to prioritize and keeping a calendar. What I do is, I write all my to-do schedules in my desk calendar and place it right beside my computer. In that way, I am always reminded of what to do.

But there are times that we feel overwhelmed with deadlines bouncing off each other. Last week, for example, I missed a scheduled once-a-year free pap-smear because I got mountain ranges of deadlines to meet that even excellent prioritizing skills didn't seem to work anymore . My spirit was willing but my flesh was already weak.  Oh, I can prioritize things for others but I simply forget something important for myself! That's often the case. But then, I also see to it that when I accomplish tough things within my deadlines, I usually reward myself, say, go some relaxing places or simply dine out with hubby dear, my best friend ever. Let's, of course, be kind to ourselves no matter what. Well, I'm writing this blog as a journal for myself to set off my mixed up feelings with too many deadlines set for this week. And I just inspire myself with this thought, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4: 13).

Okay, back to work NOW to beat the red lights of the day! First things first on top of my head and I should enjoy every bit of a thing I do to block stress off.

"Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must".  ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Unplanned but never unwanted

I and hubby got an unplanned child but we always tell everyone, "unplanned but never unwanted!". It's true, although I was unhappy upon knowing that I got pregnant. When I learned that I was having that late pregnancy, I was not ready to accept the reality because I had closed my mind to have only 2 kids. I was then happy and contented having both genders, 2 adorable kids who could always make my day even at the toughest time at work or the most pressing challenges in life so never did it cross my mind to have another one as I was already 40 then. But reprocessing my mindset was so easy for me especially that I never go for the idea of abortion. My 2 kids who were then 10 and 9 even cried when they learned of my unexpected pregnancy so we explained to them that if we consider abortion, what if it's not successful? We asked them, "would you like to have a sibling who has deformity or handicap?" And they got our message clear. Now, our unplanned baby has grown into a wonderful toddler. He is our glue, our music box and above all, our health-booster and anti-aging secret.

Our unplanned baby is  our glue because he sticks us together. Everyone wants to go home early excited to play and bond with him. Instead of going somewhere else or hanging around, everyone in the household hurries to go home all because of him so we all bond together as a family.

Our unplanned but loved baby  is our music box because strangely, among our 3 kids even if the other 2 are highly inclined in music, our unplanned baby started to sing with the right tune at a very early age. He can sing "Twinkle, twinkle little star" even before he turned one. There are times that he starts singing the moment he wakes up and he fills our home with music as he also loves to play any instrument be it keyboard, harmonica, flute, guitar whatever instrument is available at home. Like other kids, he also loves to dance when he hears music. Just listening or watching him drives the stresses in life away.

Most of all, this unplanned baby has turned out to be our health-booster and our anti-aging formula. Hubby and I have to stay young, fit and strong as we always think of our late baby. There are even times when I get some minor illness and I think right away of my little boy. I must really get well as I have the fear in mind that if my illness get worse or if I die, what about my baby? This kind of fear has made me take care of my health all the more. I think that my 2 older kids can already survive without me and will understand the situation, but not my toddler yet.  And he's too young and innocent to be left behind. We have to be strong to play with him and to sustain his needs until he is grown-up. So, he's not only our health-booster but also our main anti-aging  factor. Yes, he truly keeps us young and healthy!

So we thank God for our unplanned baby who turned out to be a great blessing to us all. He is never unwanted; in fact, our late bundle of joy is dearly loved by us all.

New place, new learning experience

Life is indeed a constant change. And I'm very glad that my kids are living up to this reality of constant change. I grew up moving from one school to another which now I can say I have benefited a lot as it made me more sociable and, at least, flexible with any changes and surprises. Having moved to a new school, my kids had to share their frustrations as well as excitements. Now, after barely 3 weeks, they share less frustrations but now more tone of normalcy.

My boy, after living in his own home with less older peers to get along with for years, at first got confronted with the issue of not knowing how to respect older ones. Now living in a dormitory with mixed ages and personalities has helped him learn to deal with others. I've observed his stubbornness and advised him to be nice to anyone but his experience is his best adviser. He felt that his dorm-mates, all older than him, were not happy about it so it's his best way of changing. Isn't this a great experience for a growing boy? I know that he will learn more things other than this at his new learning place. Having to live with the constant change in life is the best thing he and his sister need to learn day by day wherever they are. 

Rest if you must but don't you quit

I was out of track in blogging for some time. It was just that I didn't want to pressure myself when the going got so tough. I was so overwhelmed lately with piling up major tasks in my job and challenges bouncing off each other such as deciding about the kids' schooling as well as considering about relocation due to my baby's health condition having been diagnosed with asthma after severe recurrent bronchitis. It's good I'm not into paid blogging, otherwise I would have needed to live up to the pressures even if I didn't feel like doing it. So, now that I have surpassed another challenge and have gained momentum once more, I want to share again my nice thoughts and thrills here as much as I want to keep this place as my personal journal.

I so love this poem and let me share it to you so that if you feel like quitting, read it:

          

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all up hill, When the funds are low, and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest if you must, but don't you quit. Life is queer with it's twists and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about, When he might have won had he stuck it out. Don't give up though the pace seems slow, You may succeed with another blow. Success is failure turned inside out, The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far, So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, It's when things seem worse, That you must not quit. ...Edgar A. Guest

New Generation's Way of Bonding

Look at how these kids bond even if they meet each other only after many years. They used to be very intimate playmates when they were toddlers yet now that they can already communicate well, they just go with the current trend around - under the spell and control of technology. Oh, I so dread the idea that my kids, if not being checked, don't love to meaningfully bond with their cousins and friends anymore, to run and play around and to talk to each other! Instead, they just hang out right in front of the computer. So now whenever we travel, we should be wise enough not to carry a laptop with us.

We're going out to appreciate nature, to cool down at the beach but sorry, despite their begging, we have to leave the busy laptop behind. They need to go out of their shell before they finally become hardened turtles. They need to appreciate nature and the sweetness of meaningful interactions with their fellow human beings, not machines.

Leadership in Marriage

In any team, company or even in a relationship, there is always a leader to make it run smoothly and successfully. If there is a leader, there is also a follower. In my case being a leader-type and hubby as someone who wants to stay out of the limelight, there might seem to be a power-clash considering our culture that man should be the head of the family and the woman to be more of a follower. But with the modern way of looking at this tradition where women now earn for the family as well and sometimes even more than men can, this tradition has been challenged thus leadership in the family now becomes equal for both husband and wife across cultures. This goes with the Bible verse found in Galatians 3:28 that "there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus". So, I do enjoy such equality and now we have no more leadership and decision-making issues in our marriage for 15 years as I have also learned the real meaning of submission (aka respect, click to see my related post).

There should be no issue as to who is inferior or superior because in the eyes of God, He created man and woman equal in dignity, glory and value although He designed them differently and assigned them different tasks.Thus, in any marriage, each spouse has a role to play in the relationship. For example, I play a major role in keeping our household budget, in buying groceries and stuff and running the household. Hubby, like most Asian men do, remits his salary to me and it's up to me to be a good steward of whatever he entrusts to me. But he is a good auditor so he checks on my spending at times especially if I complain that I'm running out of this and that (LOL). Hubby, on the other hand, shows his leadership in the management and discipline of our kids as he can more easily make them obey what he asks them to do.


In terms of major decisions, we talk things out like equals and we do our best to listen to each other's points although when we were newly wed, I showed my stubbornness being an independent-minded woman. But such independent-mindedness does not work in marriage for two become one in the union of a man and a woman to enjoy harmony.  For example, I would buy some furniture or appliance without consulting him that would turn out to be the cause of our conflict. Later, we came up with an agreement that if we buy anything more than a certain amount, we have to consult each other. But now, after trusting each other's wise judgment, we don't mind who decides on this or that although it has already become a habit for me to consult him whenever I want to acquire or do something big. Marriage is a partnership so both parties should be involved in whatever that has something to do within the family or the relationship.

One great benefit about consulting each other, aside from showing respect to your spouse, is you are free from blame in case something goes wrong with what you have decided alone by yourself. That's why in modern leadership, it is always beneficial to involve the constituents in decision-making as everyone becomes accountable with whatever decision that the body has come up with. It's also true in marriage. Aside from the responsibility of accountability, you can get good suggestions from your spouse so it is wise to consult him as two heads are better than one. It will also boost his ego as you consider his ideas and opinions so it will improve your relationship. Why do we, in the first place, get married if we can't respect our spouse?

Check out more interesting posts on this topic at Chrysalis hosted by e-Mom by clicking on the badge below:

When mistrust clouds marriage

Trust is a key element in marriage. When mistrust clouds the marriage, the marital journey will become shaky. A woman I know has just left her husband to have a space for breathing and to seek herself in a far away country for a while.  She related that she has felt being choked by the ways her husband shows mistrust to her. Even an SMS which came from an unnamed number but actually it was from her cousin caused a very big trouble as the angry husband called that number cursing the sender, to the embarrassment of his innocent wife. Mistrust sparks jealousy. But then, such mistrust is deep-rooted and can be explained from the mistrusting person's past experiences and background. This woman explained to me that her husband was once broken-hearted for discovering that his first wife was cheating on him. I explained to her that he hasn't moved on yet with that deep hurt and he might be so afraid that she would also do the same so she should always understand him and  assure him. I also suggested that she should always appreciate her husband for being such a good provider so that he can rebuild his trust. She will get back to rejoin her husband soon and promised to be more understanding, patient and appreciative.


Why is it important to keep reassuring each other in marriage? Because men are generally of few words than women, many husbands do not know how to express their appreciation towards their wife. But it is good for both spouses to practice what the Bible says: Proverbs 18:22 - He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor of God. The husband must, therefore, prove it so by communicating or expressing it to her. Women love to be assured of and hear this again and again yet many men don't realize this need. Constant communication builds trust,  which needs to be established over time especially for individuals who have past painful experiences causing them to mistrust others including their spouse. Wives should do the same, reassuring their husband of their love.

Of course, assurance or words should be coupled with action. If the husband reaffirms his love to his wife by whispering, "I love you", but he does not show it in deed, how can the wife trust him? Or if the wife says, "Im so sorry", but keeps repeating the same mistake, how can the husband believe and trust her? Well, another important marriage element comes in - forgiveness. When Peter asked Jesus how many times he has to forgive, He answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 8:28). And Jesus did forgive Peter even if he betrayed Him several times. Because married people stay closest  together more than any other people, they should learn this principle of untiring forgiveness when things go wrong so that they will last forever. I would like to end this post with this inspiring thought for a relationship where the man is from Mars and the woman is from Venus:

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

Be inspired with more encouraging posts at Chrysalis hosted by e-Mom.

Becoming Flexitarian

The influence of my niece Jelome, whose dad is a health director, is quite strong. She stayed with us for just a month on a vacation but has left to us a remarkable footprint - our becoming a vegetarian. But ours is a flexitarian-type, a new coinage for a category of vegetarian who eats plant-based products most of the time but may eat meat once in while. But in the broader category, we can be typified as pescatarian/pescetarian as we include fish in our diet. For Jelome, she also eats fish but not meat at all even in parties or dining out occasions. For me and hubby, we are still flexible when the situation demands being new to it. However, it is good for hubby to completely avoid meat, major contributors of bad cholesterol and triglycerides - culprits for hypertension and heart diseases. His annual medical check-up results have consistently shown he got high risks for both as his LDL(bas cholesterol) and triglycerides are quite high every year. Thus, becoming vegetarian in the family is the right way to go, otherwise, the head of our family, whose mom and uncle passed away due to hypertension, will not also be able to see or enjoy his grandchildren as hypertension runs in his bloodline.

As the household-and-kitchen-manager, I see to it that I prepare a wide variety of plant-based food. It's good that there is abundant supply of vegetarian stuff to buy around here in Thailand. One kind I like which is very versatile is soya gluten/ soy protein available in supermarkets here. With it, I can make one of the family's favorite dishes, caldereta (stew) which is shown in the picture above. I also use it for my vegetarian pancit using yakisoba noodles or even in my vegetarian spaghetti.

What about you, dear friends? Do you have any healthy habit you have practiced lately or healthy recipe to share? March is Nutrition Month so let's share anything about healthy living and nutrition here the whole month to support the world campaign for eating not just nutritious but healthy food.

Growing with a missionary heart

This month's theme for Marriage Monday hosted by e-Mom of Chrysalis is on Christian Testimony or any salvation story. I gave this topic a long thought but finally, let me share the heart-warming story of my 13-year old daughter, who is growing with a missionary heart. It's a story of how she shared her faith to her classmate whom she lost her temper with but had him baptize just last week.

My daughter has been a student leader since her elementary days. Assigned to be a leader in a group presentation for UN Day a few months back, she expected all her members to cooperate. But her leadership was challenged by one boy who never practiced his part for the presentation she assigned him. And on the day of the event, my poor leader daughter had to go around to look for this boy because he did not show up at the place where they were supposed to meet. There she found him in an Internet cafe not minding her as he was so busy playing games. When she asked him where his costume was, she got so annoyed with his answer: " I forgot it!". My daughter was unable to control her temper so she hit him on the head. The boy was more than embarrassed than hurt but the report went up to their teacher. I was told of this incident and I did not tolerate such violence my daughter was capable of inflicting to others. I told her that I did understand how upsetting the situation she handled but she doesn't have the right to lay her hand on anyone. And she got the message clear so she begged for pardon from the one she hit. She confessed that she was really deeply sorry for what she had done and promised never to do it again. She admitted that she felt so guilty of what she had done and she felt sad that she made Jesus unhappy with her bad temper.

Last week, she sent us an SMS: Mom & dad, I have convinced 1 soul to be baptized tomorrow. I gave him pamphlets about Jesus and lent him my Bible. I assigned him what he should read & told him stories about Jesus. Guess who the guy is? The 1 I hit last year.

I hugged my husband as tears were rolling down my cheeks. How could my daughter at her very young age minister to others by her own sincere asking for forgiveness, her  repentance, her willingness to change and to share the gospel? What about me? Her story has encouraged me to be more humble and accept responsibility for others to see Jesus in me.

Like my daughter, I want to share to others how Jesus Christ can transform us from our sinful nature. "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us," Psalms 103:12. We cannot effectively minister to others unless we ourselves, as Christ's witnesses, don't make our character fit for His kingdom and it is good to start our  ministry within our very own family especially with our dear children. I would say that I just did not inherit the faith my parents had passed on to me without questioning, careful study and observation. I saw with my two eyes how they have lived their Christian life with unwavering faith and that is what I'm trying to pass on to my kids as well by God's help. May God continue to reform me, bless me and strengthen me.

Check out more inspiring salvation stories at Chrysalis:

How I Fixed my Hijacked Blog

Some blogging friends such as e-Mom of Chrysalis and scribbler notified me of my hijacked blog. No one could read my blog and leave a message for a month. Actually, before they did, I already had noticed it but I was not so sure if the same thing was appearing if my blog is opened in another computer. And they both confirmed such problem that after just a few seconds of opening my blog, they would see a website taking over - meta-boom.org which sells stuff such as insurance, cranes, trucks, website help, etc.  How did I fix it? I followed the suggestion of e-Mom to Google search for a solution. I tried every suggestion including changing my password, changing my HTML but the only thing that worked was deleting a comment I was suspicious of - named Aloe Vera which has a verifiable website on Forever Living products. When I deleted it, the bug disappeared right away. So, Eureka!!! I rejoice for recovering my hijacked blog.

So fellow bloggers out there, even if we control our comments, there can still be infiltrators who have bad intentions. Oh, this world is really full of trickery so we must really be cautious! And how I missed my blog:) Thanks e-Mom for encouraging me not to give up. I'm now more confident that there's always a solution to any problem- big or small -  so we should not panic when things go wrong.

Forgive before it's too late!

 

"We don't have to wait for years to forgive," Dr. Chest Damron appealed to the church congregation. His sermonette to the kids was also about forgiveness. Being the voice behind Your Story Hour, Chest Damron as Uncle Dan told a story about how 2 siblings forgave each other. It was only when a terrible storm that frightened them that they asked forgiveness from each other. He also shared his personal story of how he forgave someone who inflicted him too much pain. Somehow, I admire the courage of that person who asked forgiveness from him even if it took him 38 years before he finally  got the nerve to write that wonderful e-letter, which Dr. Damron tearfully read to us. His friend had written it just a few years before he passed away. Such a touching message that many church members heeded his appeal after his sermon. I've seen members asking forgiveness from each other after some past conflicts. It is good to forgive before it's too late. Many die of accident or by sudden cardiac arrest everyday so it's good to forgive and be forgiven if something goes wrong otherwise we may die with a load of guilt. Dr. Damron also emphasized that  keeping  hatred or bitterness causes much stress so if we want to be happy, free of guilt and anxiety, we have to release such a killer stressor by asking God to give us courage to ask for forgiveness and a humble heart to forgive. How can God forgive our sins if we ourselves are not forgiving of others?  

Dr. Damron, the famous look-alike and impressionist of Abraham Lincoln in the US, ended his talk by singing "God on the Mountain". Yes, when things go wrong, God will make it right! We just ask Him to. I, as everyone else, was completely blessed by Chaplain Chest Damron's message.

God On The Mountain

Life is easy when you're up on the mountain
And you've got peace of mind like you've never known.
But then things change and you're down in the valley.
Don't lose faith for you're never alone.

For the God on the mountain is still God in the valley.
When things go wrong, He'll make it right.
And the God of the good times
is still God in the bad times.
The God of the day is still God in the night.

You talk of faith when you're up on the mountain.
Oh but the talk comes easy when life's at its best.
But it's down in the valley of trials and temptation
That's when faith is really put to the test.

For the God on the mountain is still God in the valley.
When things go wrong, He'll make it right.
And the God of the good times
is still God in the bad times.
The God of the day is still God in the night.

For the God on the mountain is still God in the valley.
When things go wrong, He'll make it right.
And the God of the good times
is still God in the bad times.
The God of the day is still God in the night.
The God of the day is still God in the night.

"God On The Mountain" words and music by Tracy G. Dartt

Back to Reality

Happy New Year everyone! 
After my 3-week vacation with my family, here I am back to reality. With too much traveling from north to south and back to the north with marathon events for my kids over the holidays, the 3 of them got sick. I would say though that too much excitement seeing their cousins and loved ones in the "Land of Promise" after 6 years must have caused them restless and stressed. They would bond until late night including my toddler who is the youngest among the cousins in both sides of our families.
Oh, what fun to be reunited with families! I was overwhelmed by the sight how my kids have grown to get closer to their kins despite the great distance between them! I loved the way they mingled and treated their cousins whom they haven't seen for so long. They updated each other, shared their tell-tales, cracked jokes, sang and danced together with the endless parties everyday. At least, I'm assured that they got the values we want them to learn. But after all such fun and excitement, my school kids are now back to school while still taking their medicines and I am back to work - the normal routine. All of us are not yet up for the study and working mode. We're still on vacation mode:)  Oh, to be back to reality!
Despite my kids' sickness which, of course, but temporary, I wish that the year 2011 will treat us all well by God's wonderful grace. God has been so good to us over the years and He is there for us all the time. I am always grateful to Him and to all loved ones and dear friends who have made life so beautiful through the years. Through ups and downs in the past years, here I am challenged again to face the reality of life not only at work but in all aspects of my struggles for a better me and family.  Welcome 2011 with all the challenges it may bring!