Learning from Monster-in-Law

To ease the growing tension while waiting for the flood to come to our area when a 3-day holiday was declared in Bangkok last week, I and my SIL (sister-in-law) did enjoy movie marathons including Monster-in-Law, a comedy. Mother-in-law-to-be, Viola (played by Jane Fonda) turns the life of Charlotte or Charlie (Jennifer Lopez) into a nightmare. I appreciate how Charlie did her best to still try to be submissive at times to her fiance's mother despite all her cunning schemes to drive her away from her only son, a famous surgeon. Viola, whose TV talk show has just been canceled, thinks that her only possession left is her only child, Kevin, so she does everything to catch his attention and solely possess him. But in the end, both women come into terms giving the movie a happy ending. The title character, Monster-in-Law, Viola, has a big heart after all and is just carried away by the uncontrollable circumstances of her life. Charlie also tries to understand how her MIL got affected by the loss of her job and she's forgiving enough so settling their differences seems easy. This is very encouraging for women who are struggling with their mother-in-law (MIL), that's why I thought of sharing it here in Marriage Monday over at Chrysalis, where thinking Christian women meet every first and third Monday of the month.

Personally, I'm thankful to God that I didn't have big issues with my late mother-in-law including the family of my husband as they are nice and unique from each other. Although at the first month of our marriage we had some minor issues having lived with my husband's family, we resolved such issues by deciding to leave their family compound and live on our own. Probably, if we continued to live with my husband's family, it would have taken longer to settle our own individual differences as husband and wife. Well, it's prevalent in Asian culture to stay with the extended family but I have seen a lot of troubled (some broken) marriages due to interference of in-laws, especially MIL. That's why the Biblical principle really makes a lot of sense:

For this cause, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh... (Genesis 2:24-25)

A close friend of mine lost her marriage due to interference of both side's in-laws. They never got the chance to strengthen their union and settle their individual differences on their own because they stayed with her husband's family and they saw just her negatives. If the couple got a fight, the husband's family would side him and he would  listen to them instead of protecting his wife until such time that my friend's mother took courage to confront the husband's family. And the situation got worst until they separated with their innocent child getting affected with both side's conflicts until now. I asked her recently if the situation would have been different had they lived on their own. She said it could be but it's too late now. She told me that her husband's mind had been polluted a lot by her in-laws drawing a very bad image of her that they thought such marriage would be unfair to their son they love so much (or his big income they also need?). Had they lived on the Biblical principle of leaving their own families early on to establish their own marital relationship, they would have not been torn apart. Although there are a lot of marriages that have been broken even if they live on their own, in many Asian cultures, staying with the extended family or allowing in-law interference has been recorded as one major factor.

While it is our culture to take care of our old folks in which we are bound to keep, it is advisable that  at the early stage of marriage, couples should stay away from them to allow the building of a strong marital bond. It is also reasonable as the parents are still strong to take care of and support themselves so that when the couple is already well established, usually when their own kids are already grown-ups, it is the best time to take in the grannies to stay with them. At this stage, they are too old to criticize and the marital bond of the couple is already strong enough to get affected.

As to the ending of the Monster-in-Law, it's only when Viola, the mom-in-law, left the new couple alone that her beloved son found true happiness with his union with Charlie. But if the couple chose to stay with such a situation and Viola persisted to pester them, they could never have peace and happiness. Since it's not easy to control our parents, taking a big step to stay away from them upon marriage to work things out as a husband and wife is a great way towards the establishment of a blissful marriage. Unselfish parents should be happy to see their children with a happy family, but because there is this tendency for the parents especially the mother for attention rivalry for a son she dearly loves against the daughter-in-law (DIL), then DILs should be more understanding.

Happy Marriage Monday everyone!