Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Marriage Monday: Sexuality in Christian Marriage

One of the greatest blessings in marriage is enjoying sex. But how come there are many broken marriages because of dissatisfaction in this kind of gift? In their book, Intended for Pleasure, Ed and Gay Wheat point out the reasons why many couples are not satisfied. One big reason, according to them, is the lack of communication between husband and wife. Especially in Asian culture like ours, talking about sex seems like a taboo. Openness regarding sex would be regarded vulgar. So, even if one party is not happy in bed, s/he would just keep it to her/himself until the issue becomes worse or worst.

One wife whose husband left her explained that she regretted she was too frigid in bed that her husband had to look for another partner. As it is her wifely duty to fulfill such basic need of her husband, she should have asked for counselling when she started to feel the problem. But again, counseling in our culture is not known as most of us are so reserved opening up our private issues. If only she was open to her husband regarding her frigidity in sex, they could have solved it before the marriage collapsed. The husband warned her many times but she ignored it and that was only the time she sought help yet it's too late.

There are other couples out there who are suffering from dissatisfaction in this God's gift to marriage. Just to keep the relationship even if they're not happy in this area, they stay together. But being open in communication to improve each other's performance in bed in order to satisfy each other, they should follow Ed and Gay Wheat's advice. Husband and I both read the book and we both benefit from it. After reading it when we were just married, it has become easy for us to affirm each other such as what feels good and what we can improve or try next time. So hubby and I have no inhibitions in this area of married life. We also followed their advice that there is a need to precondition the act such as giving signals earlier. For example, a phone call at lunch suggesting it or simple sweet gestures as preludes to condition the wife. Remember, women's sexual psyche is different from men's so it takes some time to set their mood for sex. Men should be sensitive about this need. Some men don't know this magic of romance they can do outside the bed. Any annoyances they might have caused during the day would affect their wife's response and performance. There is a lot to learn from this bestseller so I recommend this book especially to those  struggling about this issue and to the newly-weds so they can truly enjoy God's gift to the union of husband and wife - intended for pleasure.

Do a blog hop to enjoy more about this topic by visiting Marriage Monday over at Chrysalis where thinking Christian women meet every 1st and 3rd Mondays of the month.


Constance said...

You have an interesting point, one I had NEVER considered. I never thought about the different cultures and how that affects the most intimate of our relationships. I posted how our lives have been changed due to my husband's cancer surgery. It hasn't been easy, I have always been the more aggressive of the 2 of us in this area of our marriage. I am extremely sensitive to the fact that a man and his identity are very connected to sex. The last thing I want is for my husband to feel pressured or believe that I think LESS of him since this has happened. Sex is VERY important but I have found that our God is a creative God and He has given us the ability to still grow our intimacy level in spite of our circumstances. Thanks for sharing from your heart!

Alicia The Snowflake said...

That sounds like a great book! It's so important to keep this area of our marriage healthy and thriving. May you and your hubby be happy for many years to come!

Tami said...

I've read that book also. Good one. I like how you urge us to address a sensitive topic so that it can be dealt with. Too many people ignore it and it affects their marriage tremendously. Good words, friend!

Susannah said...

Yes, a wonderful book! As Christians, we're blessed to have so many good resources available to us.

As always, thank you for joining us for Marriage Monday today, Nice A.

Blessings, e-Mom

Messy Marriage said...

Communication is so intricately woven into the fabric of sex. I'm so glad you brought that to light and the suggestion of, Intended for Pleasure." Great classic read on a very important matter in marriage!

Mac an Rothaich said...

The dip into culture that you shared spoke a lot to me. Appreciate your sharing and so agree!

nice A said...

Thank you everyone for your nice comments here. I will go visit your posts right now and be blessed.

kimmy said...

that is one big issue..

nice A said...

@kimmy, true! which needs to be addressed especially in our culture.

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