New Generation's Way of Bonding

Look at how these kids bond even if they meet each other only after many years. They used to be very intimate playmates when they were toddlers yet now that they can already communicate well, they just go with the current trend around - under the spell and control of technology. Oh, I so dread the idea that my kids, if not being checked, don't love to meaningfully bond with their cousins and friends anymore, to run and play around and to talk to each other! Instead, they just hang out right in front of the computer. So now whenever we travel, we should be wise enough not to carry a laptop with us.

We're going out to appreciate nature, to cool down at the beach but sorry, despite their begging, we have to leave the busy laptop behind. They need to go out of their shell before they finally become hardened turtles. They need to appreciate nature and the sweetness of meaningful interactions with their fellow human beings, not machines.

Leadership in Marriage

In any team, company or even in a relationship, there is always a leader to make it run smoothly and successfully. If there is a leader, there is also a follower. In my case being a leader-type and hubby as someone who wants to stay out of the limelight, there might seem to be a power-clash considering our culture that man should be the head of the family and the woman to be more of a follower. But with the modern way of looking at this tradition where women now earn for the family as well and sometimes even more than men can, this tradition has been challenged thus leadership in the family now becomes equal for both husband and wife across cultures. This goes with the Bible verse found in Galatians 3:28 that "there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus". So, I do enjoy such equality and now we have no more leadership and decision-making issues in our marriage for 15 years as I have also learned the real meaning of submission (aka respect, click to see my related post).

There should be no issue as to who is inferior or superior because in the eyes of God, He created man and woman equal in dignity, glory and value although He designed them differently and assigned them different tasks.Thus, in any marriage, each spouse has a role to play in the relationship. For example, I play a major role in keeping our household budget, in buying groceries and stuff and running the household. Hubby, like most Asian men do, remits his salary to me and it's up to me to be a good steward of whatever he entrusts to me. But he is a good auditor so he checks on my spending at times especially if I complain that I'm running out of this and that (LOL). Hubby, on the other hand, shows his leadership in the management and discipline of our kids as he can more easily make them obey what he asks them to do.


In terms of major decisions, we talk things out like equals and we do our best to listen to each other's points although when we were newly wed, I showed my stubbornness being an independent-minded woman. But such independent-mindedness does not work in marriage for two become one in the union of a man and a woman to enjoy harmony.  For example, I would buy some furniture or appliance without consulting him that would turn out to be the cause of our conflict. Later, we came up with an agreement that if we buy anything more than a certain amount, we have to consult each other. But now, after trusting each other's wise judgment, we don't mind who decides on this or that although it has already become a habit for me to consult him whenever I want to acquire or do something big. Marriage is a partnership so both parties should be involved in whatever that has something to do within the family or the relationship.

One great benefit about consulting each other, aside from showing respect to your spouse, is you are free from blame in case something goes wrong with what you have decided alone by yourself. That's why in modern leadership, it is always beneficial to involve the constituents in decision-making as everyone becomes accountable with whatever decision that the body has come up with. It's also true in marriage. Aside from the responsibility of accountability, you can get good suggestions from your spouse so it is wise to consult him as two heads are better than one. It will also boost his ego as you consider his ideas and opinions so it will improve your relationship. Why do we, in the first place, get married if we can't respect our spouse?

Check out more interesting posts on this topic at Chrysalis hosted by e-Mom by clicking on the badge below:

When mistrust clouds marriage

Trust is a key element in marriage. When mistrust clouds the marriage, the marital journey will become shaky. A woman I know has just left her husband to have a space for breathing and to seek herself in a far away country for a while.  She related that she has felt being choked by the ways her husband shows mistrust to her. Even an SMS which came from an unnamed number but actually it was from her cousin caused a very big trouble as the angry husband called that number cursing the sender, to the embarrassment of his innocent wife. Mistrust sparks jealousy. But then, such mistrust is deep-rooted and can be explained from the mistrusting person's past experiences and background. This woman explained to me that her husband was once broken-hearted for discovering that his first wife was cheating on him. I explained to her that he hasn't moved on yet with that deep hurt and he might be so afraid that she would also do the same so she should always understand him and  assure him. I also suggested that she should always appreciate her husband for being such a good provider so that he can rebuild his trust. She will get back to rejoin her husband soon and promised to be more understanding, patient and appreciative.


Why is it important to keep reassuring each other in marriage? Because men are generally of few words than women, many husbands do not know how to express their appreciation towards their wife. But it is good for both spouses to practice what the Bible says: Proverbs 18:22 - He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor of God. The husband must, therefore, prove it so by communicating or expressing it to her. Women love to be assured of and hear this again and again yet many men don't realize this need. Constant communication builds trust,  which needs to be established over time especially for individuals who have past painful experiences causing them to mistrust others including their spouse. Wives should do the same, reassuring their husband of their love.

Of course, assurance or words should be coupled with action. If the husband reaffirms his love to his wife by whispering, "I love you", but he does not show it in deed, how can the wife trust him? Or if the wife says, "Im so sorry", but keeps repeating the same mistake, how can the husband believe and trust her? Well, another important marriage element comes in - forgiveness. When Peter asked Jesus how many times he has to forgive, He answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 8:28). And Jesus did forgive Peter even if he betrayed Him several times. Because married people stay closest  together more than any other people, they should learn this principle of untiring forgiveness when things go wrong so that they will last forever. I would like to end this post with this inspiring thought for a relationship where the man is from Mars and the woman is from Venus:

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

Be inspired with more encouraging posts at Chrysalis hosted by e-Mom.

Becoming Flexitarian

The influence of my niece Jelome, whose dad is a health director, is quite strong. She stayed with us for just a month on a vacation but has left to us a remarkable footprint - our becoming a vegetarian. But ours is a flexitarian-type, a new coinage for a category of vegetarian who eats plant-based products most of the time but may eat meat once in while. But in the broader category, we can be typified as pescatarian/pescetarian as we include fish in our diet. For Jelome, she also eats fish but not meat at all even in parties or dining out occasions. For me and hubby, we are still flexible when the situation demands being new to it. However, it is good for hubby to completely avoid meat, major contributors of bad cholesterol and triglycerides - culprits for hypertension and heart diseases. His annual medical check-up results have consistently shown he got high risks for both as his LDL(bas cholesterol) and triglycerides are quite high every year. Thus, becoming vegetarian in the family is the right way to go, otherwise, the head of our family, whose mom and uncle passed away due to hypertension, will not also be able to see or enjoy his grandchildren as hypertension runs in his bloodline.

As the household-and-kitchen-manager, I see to it that I prepare a wide variety of plant-based food. It's good that there is abundant supply of vegetarian stuff to buy around here in Thailand. One kind I like which is very versatile is soya gluten/ soy protein available in supermarkets here. With it, I can make one of the family's favorite dishes, caldereta (stew) which is shown in the picture above. I also use it for my vegetarian pancit using yakisoba noodles or even in my vegetarian spaghetti.

What about you, dear friends? Do you have any healthy habit you have practiced lately or healthy recipe to share? March is Nutrition Month so let's share anything about healthy living and nutrition here the whole month to support the world campaign for eating not just nutritious but healthy food.

Growing with a missionary heart

This month's theme for Marriage Monday hosted by e-Mom of Chrysalis is on Christian Testimony or any salvation story. I gave this topic a long thought but finally, let me share the heart-warming story of my 13-year old daughter, who is growing with a missionary heart. It's a story of how she shared her faith to her classmate whom she lost her temper with but had him baptize just last week.

My daughter has been a student leader since her elementary days. Assigned to be a leader in a group presentation for UN Day a few months back, she expected all her members to cooperate. But her leadership was challenged by one boy who never practiced his part for the presentation she assigned him. And on the day of the event, my poor leader daughter had to go around to look for this boy because he did not show up at the place where they were supposed to meet. There she found him in an Internet cafe not minding her as he was so busy playing games. When she asked him where his costume was, she got so annoyed with his answer: " I forgot it!". My daughter was unable to control her temper so she hit him on the head. The boy was more than embarrassed than hurt but the report went up to their teacher. I was told of this incident and I did not tolerate such violence my daughter was capable of inflicting to others. I told her that I did understand how upsetting the situation she handled but she doesn't have the right to lay her hand on anyone. And she got the message clear so she begged for pardon from the one she hit. She confessed that she was really deeply sorry for what she had done and promised never to do it again. She admitted that she felt so guilty of what she had done and she felt sad that she made Jesus unhappy with her bad temper.

Last week, she sent us an SMS: Mom & dad, I have convinced 1 soul to be baptized tomorrow. I gave him pamphlets about Jesus and lent him my Bible. I assigned him what he should read & told him stories about Jesus. Guess who the guy is? The 1 I hit last year.

I hugged my husband as tears were rolling down my cheeks. How could my daughter at her very young age minister to others by her own sincere asking for forgiveness, her  repentance, her willingness to change and to share the gospel? What about me? Her story has encouraged me to be more humble and accept responsibility for others to see Jesus in me.

Like my daughter, I want to share to others how Jesus Christ can transform us from our sinful nature. "As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us," Psalms 103:12. We cannot effectively minister to others unless we ourselves, as Christ's witnesses, don't make our character fit for His kingdom and it is good to start our  ministry within our very own family especially with our dear children. I would say that I just did not inherit the faith my parents had passed on to me without questioning, careful study and observation. I saw with my two eyes how they have lived their Christian life with unwavering faith and that is what I'm trying to pass on to my kids as well by God's help. May God continue to reform me, bless me and strengthen me.

Check out more inspiring salvation stories at Chrysalis:

How I Fixed my Hijacked Blog

Some blogging friends such as e-Mom of Chrysalis and scribbler notified me of my hijacked blog. No one could read my blog and leave a message for a month. Actually, before they did, I already had noticed it but I was not so sure if the same thing was appearing if my blog is opened in another computer. And they both confirmed such problem that after just a few seconds of opening my blog, they would see a website taking over - meta-boom.org which sells stuff such as insurance, cranes, trucks, website help, etc.  How did I fix it? I followed the suggestion of e-Mom to Google search for a solution. I tried every suggestion including changing my password, changing my HTML but the only thing that worked was deleting a comment I was suspicious of - named Aloe Vera which has a verifiable website on Forever Living products. When I deleted it, the bug disappeared right away. So, Eureka!!! I rejoice for recovering my hijacked blog.

So fellow bloggers out there, even if we control our comments, there can still be infiltrators who have bad intentions. Oh, this world is really full of trickery so we must really be cautious! And how I missed my blog:) Thanks e-Mom for encouraging me not to give up. I'm now more confident that there's always a solution to any problem- big or small -  so we should not panic when things go wrong.

Forgive before it's too late!

 

"We don't have to wait for years to forgive," Dr. Chest Damron appealed to the church congregation. His sermonette to the kids was also about forgiveness. Being the voice behind Your Story Hour, Chest Damron as Uncle Dan told a story about how 2 siblings forgave each other. It was only when a terrible storm that frightened them that they asked forgiveness from each other. He also shared his personal story of how he forgave someone who inflicted him too much pain. Somehow, I admire the courage of that person who asked forgiveness from him even if it took him 38 years before he finally  got the nerve to write that wonderful e-letter, which Dr. Damron tearfully read to us. His friend had written it just a few years before he passed away. Such a touching message that many church members heeded his appeal after his sermon. I've seen members asking forgiveness from each other after some past conflicts. It is good to forgive before it's too late. Many die of accident or by sudden cardiac arrest everyday so it's good to forgive and be forgiven if something goes wrong otherwise we may die with a load of guilt. Dr. Damron also emphasized that  keeping  hatred or bitterness causes much stress so if we want to be happy, free of guilt and anxiety, we have to release such a killer stressor by asking God to give us courage to ask for forgiveness and a humble heart to forgive. How can God forgive our sins if we ourselves are not forgiving of others?  

Dr. Damron, the famous look-alike and impressionist of Abraham Lincoln in the US, ended his talk by singing "God on the Mountain". Yes, when things go wrong, God will make it right! We just ask Him to. I, as everyone else, was completely blessed by Chaplain Chest Damron's message.

God On The Mountain

Life is easy when you're up on the mountain
And you've got peace of mind like you've never known.
But then things change and you're down in the valley.
Don't lose faith for you're never alone.

For the God on the mountain is still God in the valley.
When things go wrong, He'll make it right.
And the God of the good times
is still God in the bad times.
The God of the day is still God in the night.

You talk of faith when you're up on the mountain.
Oh but the talk comes easy when life's at its best.
But it's down in the valley of trials and temptation
That's when faith is really put to the test.

For the God on the mountain is still God in the valley.
When things go wrong, He'll make it right.
And the God of the good times
is still God in the bad times.
The God of the day is still God in the night.

For the God on the mountain is still God in the valley.
When things go wrong, He'll make it right.
And the God of the good times
is still God in the bad times.
The God of the day is still God in the night.
The God of the day is still God in the night.

"God On The Mountain" words and music by Tracy G. Dartt

Back to Reality

Happy New Year everyone! 
After my 3-week vacation with my family, here I am back to reality. With too much traveling from north to south and back to the north with marathon events for my kids over the holidays, the 3 of them got sick. I would say though that too much excitement seeing their cousins and loved ones in the "Land of Promise" after 6 years must have caused them restless and stressed. They would bond until late night including my toddler who is the youngest among the cousins in both sides of our families.
Oh, what fun to be reunited with families! I was overwhelmed by the sight how my kids have grown to get closer to their kins despite the great distance between them! I loved the way they mingled and treated their cousins whom they haven't seen for so long. They updated each other, shared their tell-tales, cracked jokes, sang and danced together with the endless parties everyday. At least, I'm assured that they got the values we want them to learn. But after all such fun and excitement, my school kids are now back to school while still taking their medicines and I am back to work - the normal routine. All of us are not yet up for the study and working mode. We're still on vacation mode:)  Oh, to be back to reality!
Despite my kids' sickness which, of course, but temporary, I wish that the year 2011 will treat us all well by God's wonderful grace. God has been so good to us over the years and He is there for us all the time. I am always grateful to Him and to all loved ones and dear friends who have made life so beautiful through the years. Through ups and downs in the past years, here I am challenged again to face the reality of life not only at work but in all aspects of my struggles for a better me and family.  Welcome 2011 with all the challenges it may bring!

Give love not only on Christmas Day

My god-daughter An who is going to be wed a few days from now, one of the reasons I'm flying home, has been such a very nice person inside-out. She is a very good example of giving love not only on Christmas Day. Lately, her dad passed away so suddenly due to cancer, just a few days before her wedding. The sad thing for An about her dad's sudden passing away is, she and her fiance booked air tickets and hotels for a surprise travel to the Big City and the north for her mom and dad as a Christmas treat for both of them. It should be this time that they are now traveling as a family. I can imagine that every time they present their tickets and hotel bookings with her dad's name, they will all be reminded that he's supposed to be with them, enjoying the surprise.

Well, the thought itself that An did a lot of nice things for her dad prior to his death is very consoling in itself. For sure, An has no regrets that she did never give her best for her dad because, in fact, she did everything to make him happy, even assuring him that she chose the right man whom her dad had willingly given his blessing for their wedding before his unpredictable passing away.

Such a sudden death of a loved one is indeed a great reminder for all of us that we don't have to take our family and friends for granted. We have to remember them not only on Christmas but in every opportunity we have. That's why in the song "Give love on Christmas Day," Christmas should be defined as EVERYDAY.

Looking at negative situations in the positive way

We don't want to stress out ourselves even on petty things, do we? If we are affected of things, we pass it on to people around us such as if a teacher gets mad of something, she may show a bad mood in her class (which is unprofessional!). So to get rid of negativity that will suck your energy if any bad situation arises, keep thinking that there is always a positive side in it. I will show you how I have practiced it lately.
First, the microwave oven in our condo we used everyday in our lives got a short circuit that it would no longer work. I called the owner to have it fixed or changed but my complaint fell on deaf ear. So, not to feel upset about it, I think of what my Thai friend told me about the research that microwave can lose the nutrients of food we heat in it. Besides, hubby who got back to coffee drinking after quitting for many years now (together with his alcohol drinking and smoking), felt so comfortable heating his coffee water in the wave as it is very efficient and convenient. I dreaded his going back to it so when the microwave oven was out of order, he naturally quit his coffee drinking as well.  I was worried that coffee especially the creamer would increase his already high triglycerides and cholesterol. My reminder just didn't work but the malfunctioning of the oven did. Ahhh, what a relief!

Second, the lift in our condo also stopped working since last week. We heard that the condo management taking care of our building corrupted the money for its maintenance so now we suffer it by taking the stairs to and from the 6th Floor. We were told it will take about 3 months to wait until things get settled so that it will be fixed. But then, all of us in the household turned it into an opportunity so we don't worry of it except for just the inconvenience of lifting heavy stuff such as when we buy our groceries and water, take our baby's stroller up and down, or when we're in a real hurry. Instead of getting upset, we think of the benefits of getting a regular exercise and saving energy, thus helping prevent global warming even in just a little way. Read this Taking the Stairs Campaign which I certainly support strongly.

So, the next time that a negative thing occurs, pause and think of any benefit you can get out of it. It may be a lesson to learn or a hidden benefit you still have to discover. That's optimism or positive-thinking at work!

Keeping family ties amid great distance

I'm feeling so sad that I'll be missing one important event in my kids' growing years, their annual piano recital this coming weekend. But I make it a point that no matter what, we'll be together to spend the Christmas holidays and the New Year - at a place my kids are not certain if they miss it - the beautiful city of the generals. Yes, we'll be flying all the way to GenSan not only to attend a wedding of someone close to us but to visit our relatives and friends there we've missed over the years. We have a lot of plans to do in GenSan during our visit there. It includes visiting our kids' grannies and cousins, going to the farm our new family member will see for the first time and the beach our two kids have missed so much as we used to go there when they were still toddlers until their early grade years. Now they're on their early teens. We're also happy to introduce their baby brother to our clans in both sides of the family they haven't met yet. And know what? Our 2 early teens are more excited to introduce their sibling to their classmates and friends than to their relatives. How geographical distance separates kins! This gives me and hubby more reason to make them bond with their cousins and relatives they haven't seen for years. Otherwise, they would become much closer to their friends than to their kin.

Oh, how time flies!  I now dread to think of missing my kids' yearning to go with me and their dad wherever we had to go. It started last summer when they were with us here in our workplace that we noticed that they're no longer the same. They would rather stay at home and do their own activity apart from us. Then, at school days if I'm with them, they're no longer the same small kids who would grab my hand pleading me to send them off to school and beg off to pick them up after school. And instead of coming home early excited to see me back home, they now prefer to hang out with their friends. Such a bitter-sweet reality! Now they're no longer worried that dad and/or mom won't be able to attend their recital or their birthday. Anyway, they're happy to see that their friends are around to cheer them up.

Oh, we must accept the reality that our kids are growing up fast! But we must let them grasp the values we want them to embrace especially in tracing back their roots, getting close to their kins and learning to look back where they came from. We parents are bound to the close family ties and we want to pass it on to our next generations at all costs. We should not allow the years to slip by blinded with our busy days making a living and neglecting this family duty to keep the ties. After all, earthly treasures just slip by, too, but the joys shared with loved ones are cherished sealing the ties forever.

Optimistic People's Winning Perspective

Seeing Raissa Laurel, a 23-year old law student who lost both her legs from bombing, inspired not only me but a lot of people to be more optimistic than remorseful even when the worst things inevitably happen in our life.Raissa never blamed anyone for her fate but instead sees some purpose in her life why God allowed such debilitating accident to happen to her. She may not see the good things about it right away but for sure, we will see later what purpose it is for her. Let me share to you this wonderful story, "This Too is for Good" sent in by Rachel B of Philadelphia to

RexBarker@Joke-Of-The-Day.com:

An old story is told of a king in Africa who had a close friend with whom he grew up. The friend had a habit of looking at every situation that ever occurred in his life (positive or negative) and remarking, " This Too is for Good!"


One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This Too is for Good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!" and proceeded to send his friend to jail.


About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured him and took him to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake.


As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had taken his thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And, so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this."


"No," his friend replied, "This Too is for Good!"


"What do you mean,'This is good'? How could it be good that I sent my friend to jail for a year?"


"If I had NOT been in jail, I would have been with you." 

I have also tasted my own dose of bitter experiences that have made me a better person. My husband can also readily testify  that God works miraculously in our life that He can lift us up and purify us from our old sinful and unhealthy ways  by allowing us to go through pains and hardships. Were it not for a  pressing and painful condition we were both in before, we would have not grown this much in all aspects of our lives. And we're still growing. Thanks be to God for all that has been and for all that is yet to come to help us keep growing. So, now if anything bad happens, we don't have to panic. Instead we have to be optimistic that the best is yet to come!

(Photo from: http://asiaforjesus.wordpress.com/)

Revolutionizing Holiday Spending

Christmas is around the corner with the very cold breeze. We've been told that it's the coldest year here in Thailand. Malls and business establishments have started decorating for the highly commercialized Christmas season to attract more customers and therefore, more profits. But for us, we revolutionize our perspective of spending this season.


Since my kids were born, we as a family have never celebrated Christmas Day on the 25th of December. I explain to my kids that the Bible doesn't specify the exact birth-date of Jesus Christ. But we do celebrate the New Year for family thanksgiving for the past year and for welcoming the coming year with prayers and wishes. Thus, our holiday spending is more reduced. I also don't go for adorning the house with Christmas decors such as tall, shining Christmas trees as we were told once in the church about the pagan origin of such a practice. While Christmas decors brighten up the feeling for the season, our focus may be diverted to the material things around us making us tend to forget the real meaning of Christmas.

On our vacation with the kids this Christmas (I booked air tickets on promo), we plan to spend some time for rural kids who do not have opportunities to receive gifts and eat special foods. We've been doing this since my kids were still small. We don't usually spend it in the city where we live as most of the kids around us can afford to have lots of foods not only during parties. Urban kids also receive gifts often so their joy of receiving gift is not much as those with the rural kids who rarely receive one in their whole life. Thus for us,  it's more meaningful to celebrate the season by letting our kids experience the joy of giving simple gifts to the the lowly ones and feeding them without expecting for something in return. It is opposite to the concept of exchange gift and usual merriment our kids have in their school or in the place they live in. It is also easier to please the lowly kids so the price of the gifts we give them is not much. I remember my friend, Ms. G, complaining of a rich girl whom she gave an expensive gift but did not appreciate it. This Christmas season, what we need to remember is the birth of Jesus Christ on a lowly manger, not in a palace or an attractively adorned house.

What I'm saying here is, we can simplify our celebration of Jesus Christ's birth. It is not on the lavishness of the food we prepare and the gifts we exchange or give but it is how we express our thankfulness to God for sending His Son to earth to save us and to show us humility, simplicity and kindness to others without expecting something in return. So my spending plan this season is guided by these principles. I will have my children experience (again) the true meaning of Christmas with some gifts and food to the needy. We can buy more gifts and make more lowly ones happy by cutting decoration budget, unnecessary travels, new clothes and toys, and lavish food for us during the season especially at these times of continuing economic crisis and increasing global warming issues.

We can avoid over-drop in our budget if we reasonably spend this holiday season, within our budget. And we can make a difference if we follow the true reason for celebrating Christmas.

Please check out more interesting Marriage Monday posts related to this at Chrysalis by e-Mom.

A deathbed realization on changing others

Everyone wants to make a difference. Yet, it is impossible to influence others if we don't practice what we preach. Just like when we're listening to a sermon in the church and we know that the speaker is not living up what he's saying, we seem not to believe him, right? I want to share to you this very inspiring anecdote of changing others posted by my favorite Rex Barker. It's sent to me by joke-of-the-day.com, with the title "Begin With Yourself",  contributed by Carol B of New Orleans.

 

"When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits, I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser, I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country.


But, it too, seemed immovable.

As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me, but alas, they would have none of it.

And now as I lie on my deathbed, I suddenly realize: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family.


From their inspiration and encouragement, I would then have been able to better my country and, who knows, I may have even changed the world."

As the song goes, "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin in me." So before we can change others, we have to change ourselves and our living example will inspire others to emulate us.

Why is the Philippines lagging behind?

 I've just finished watching TV Patrol online and I'm so saddened with typhoon Juan's wrath in our country. I can deeply feel how the affected families suffer with their house blown away by strong winds and their livelihood washed out by the typhoon and flood. About this time last year, super typhoons Ondoy and Pepeng left the Philippines terribly devastated which caused a big blow in its economy. It's no wonder that our country is lagging behind its counterparts such as Thailand and Malaysia. So we can't fully blame the country's economic situation to corruption. There have been many corruption stories anywhere but natural calamities are big factors for its neighboring countries overtaking it.

Comparing the Philippines to its neighboring ASEAN countries such as Thailand and Malaysia which have similar natural resources, the former is more prone to typhoons being an archipelago, the latter are not. It is visited by almost a hundred typhoons every year. Just imagine the assessed agricultural damages of about 2 billion pesos super typhoon Juan (a.k.a Megi) recently inflicting the country. This amount excludes infrastructural damages including houses, government and private buildings and facilities, roads, bridges, electric posts, etc. in the affected provinces. If assessed, it may be more than the agricultural damages. Then what about the costs needed to repair all this destruction? So we can say that what has been said to be corrupted by Thailand's former prime minister is less than the damages caused by typhoon and its effects such as floods, loss of electricity, etc. in 2 years time. The disasters brought about by Ondoy and Pepeng alone last year amounted to PhP50 billion. Then how long will it take for the affected areas and people to recover? Now multiply the losses from natural calamities each year (plus the losses in corruption)!

No one can stop nature's wrath but at least, our risk and disaster reduction management can help a lot. For example, with proper warning, some farmers were able to salvage their maturing rice and some pond owners to save what they could  before such terrible typhoon Juan struck. It's also good to note that most provinces prone to calamities were able to raise awareness for the protection of life. Last year, there was no warning given to people before Ondoy hit Metro Manila and its neighboring provinces, thus the loss was much bigger compared this time when warning was provided. It's indeed good to learn a great lesson from the past bad experience.

The Philippines may be lagging behind due to natural forces beyond its control but then we can admire the resiliency of the Filipinos, their ability to bounce back whenever a big storm strikes down or any sudden catastrophe hits the country. We can never say that Pinoys aren't hard-working or they lack ingenuity for they are world-class workers with creative and independent minds. So, it's only by good governance that the country can take back its position in the past.

The present government's priorities 
Now, we can see Noynoy gearing up while he steers the country. He takes off by addressing overpopulation and corruption issues while he also tries to develop  livelihood programs and infrastructures - such real ways to go. Hope to see him giving priority to education as well, not just by adding the number of years in elementary and high school. Comparing the universities between the Philippines  and Thailand or Malaysia, we are left behind in terms of facilities (such as good libraries) and technology but most importantly, teachers' development. Let's look at our rank in education worldwide to give us an eye-opener. Education will lift us up from poverty and help citizens to introduce innovations and contribute to the country's growth and development.

Creating more jobs for Pinoys is P-Noy's priority so that the family, which is the basic unit in the society, won't be disintegrated. OFW parents of young children should no longer leave to sustain the family's needs far away from the family leaving them not properly guided for the values they need to learn while they are young. If parents' leaving for a job in another country persists, we become a society debased of values and deteriorating morality, thus it creates more problems in the long run.

With our population controlled, livelihood created and education given high priority for the citizens to be productive and self-sufficient despite any calamities and catastrophes, we can do much better for sure. The present government aims not just to regain the country's economic position in the ASEAN region but also to give every Filipino citizen source of livelihood for a better life not by leaving the country but by contributing to it from working within.

Mr. Holland's Passion and Ethics in Teaching Worth Emulating

I made my rainy weekend enjoyable as much as I could (apart from reading, playing with my lil angel and just zzzzzleeping a.k.a beauty-resting:). Staying at home with my family is never boring but this week, seeing an inspiring movie spiced everything up. It made me prepare for another tough week of dealing with academic work especially with challenging (and not challenged, i.e. Failed!) students at the end of the semester. Mr. Holland's Opus, an interesting film I've been searching for ages came right at the perfect time.

Why did I search for this film? The first and only time I saw it was when I got a whole month of Summer Teacher Seminar in Cebu back in 1998. I longed to get a copy of Mr. Holland's Opus since then to share to my education students and fellow educators what a great and inspiring teacher Mr. Holland is but I never found one. Thanks to SIL Edna who found it lately on sale and agreed to give it to me with my vow to share it to others.

Mr. Glenn Holland, who makes teaching music as passion has epitomized what a teacher should be. He is never contented with just teaching in the four-cornered room but goes out his way to extend his time helping out his students - beyond working hours. Strategy-wise, he exemplifies how teachers can simplify complex things into comprehensible way. For example, instead of just differentiating between classical music and rock-and-roll by reading from the definitions in the book, he paces to the piano and plays Minuet in G by Bach and a popular Rock n' Roll music at the time. There he goes, he is able to arouse the interest of all his students who have been so passive about his lessons for some time.

Last week, I had to deal with a group of students who failed in their ESL class for not liking their farang (foreigner, usually Caucasian) teacher's style. Like Mr. Holland, I had to deal with the disciplining and counseling part of the teacher's crucial roles before I finally turned them over to the teacher I asked to handle them. I had to orient them that in real life, they have to deal with different personalities in order to succeed. Different teachers have their own styles and Family Psychologist John Rosemond admonishes parents not to tolerate children to choose teachers for themselves. He suggested that they must be taught to respect every teacher so that they won't feel that they always have the right to express unliking to their teacher or to request for another one. It is part of the EQ to be developed although I must say that there are teachers who need to improve their teaching styles and strategies just like Mr. Holland who tries every possible way to get through the interests and real needs of his students.

There is much to appreciate in the life of Mr. Holland aside from teaching strategies and willingness to go extra miles to be a noble teacher. This enthusiastic teacher who always encourages his students particularly those in his orchestra who used to play in dissonance to love what they are doing, thus they improved a lot later, is also a model of moral values. He is training a pretty girl with a golden voice to interpret a song he composed for a big school performance. The young girl falls in love with him and showed her affection to her but he never takes advantage of it. Despite having tension with his wife over their frustration with their son whom they discovered later as deaf and dumb, he remains faithful to his wife by not succumbing to the wish of the young girl to run away with her for a bright singing career in New York. He should have been attracted to the offer for a more financially rewarding  career as a talent manager as he's struggling financially at the time but he chooses to stay not only with his family but also with his school even if he meets oppositions by his assistant principal who later turns as the school principal. Hmm, we've seen many teachers not able to resist  such a sweet temptation with their vulnerable students. 

Professionalism is also greatly exemplified by Mr. Holland. He remains calm under pressures and adversities. He was forced to retire at the age of 60 after 30 years of happily teaching using the front of cost-cutting. The principal finally succeeded to devastate him but the school alumni whose lives have been inspired and touched by Mr. Holland gather and prepare a Tribute Party for him including the present state governor who was most challenged by him while she was still a member of his orchestra. These school alumni take up their instruments and ask the retiring teacher to serve as their conductor in the premiere performance of Mr. Holland's Opus ("The American Symphony"). At this momentous night, Mr. Glenn Holland rebonds with his students from various batches while his wife, Iris, and now successful son, Cole, look on with such great admiration. They and everyone present have seen how this old teacher has influenced his students' appreciation of music and of life.

No wonder why this movie grabbed multiple awards! This should be regarded a classic film and must be made available in every College of Education as teachers are builders of the nations.

Weekend Reflections: Moving on forward and up and welcoming change

How was your week, dear friends? Oh, thanks God it's Saturday! For the past two weeks, we in our workplace spent most of our time moving out from our old place to our modern, state-of-the-art, multi-million building. Even if it's every university student's dream to move there the soonest time possible, most of us employees resisted to. I draw two reasons which are the springboard of my reflections.
One is,  the students  are not so attached to the old building because they don't have definite place unlike us as they have to move from one room to another. Another reason is, students don't have many stuffs to pack up in the old building and unpack at the new one.

It was only yesterday, after many tiring days of unpacking, that we got finally settled in our new place. We at last got our computers set, Internet reconnected, telephone lines reinstalled and our stuffs mostly arranged. And hurray! I eventually learned to love the  panoramic view of my new abode. My new office is on the 10th floor's window side overlooking the meeting point between the refreshing green coconut and orange orchards of the kingdom's old capital and the towering edifices of crowded metropolitan Bangkok. Such a great sight to behold!

A couple of realizations dawned on me with this moving out experience. People universally resist change. But the more we are attached to places,  persons or to the things we love, the harder to let go of  them. Once we are used to doing something, it becomes a habit. For example, it became a daily habit for me to walk to and from my old office for over 5 years. Aside from saving gas and thus the environment, I got the benefit of regular exercise. When we moved into our new building, I thought it could no longer be possible for me to walk because it's a lot farther now. But yesterday, amid the not so good weather, I managed to walk home and realized that I got the more desirable exercise - a longer walk my doctor recommended. Yes, even changing our bad habits that shape our character is not easy but if we find the need to just like when we had to move out because we needed to, we can see the positive results. And we finally welcome the change as it has more benefits after all!
It pays to move on forward, not backward as we're getting older and older each day. It also pays to move up not down. Isn't it that our goal is to live happily and eternally? We don't just have to be contented in temporary mundane things which give us fleeting happiness because we aim for the second life up there whatever religion we adhere to. In a world in which riches and power are always mistaken for wisdom, intelligence and virtue, happiness lies on earthly possessions and    positions. Thus, people become more devoid of values. Things we give value to are often not as permanent as they appear. Therefore, there's a need to reevaluate what can really make us happy. Let's move on forward and up by developing our character and we'll be happy to embrace the change.

Marriage Monday: Surviving a Marriage Crisis

(Photo from http://www.getyourexback4girls.com/)

Every marriage, even the perfect ones, goes through a period of crisis. But surviving the rough road on the marriage journey makes it challenging for the couples. The rougher the road a couple has passed through, the stronger the relationship becomes. So how do we survive the challenges during marriage crisis? 

The love triangle

We handle different situations in different ways. But generally, if both couples allow God to be in the marriage triangle, they will survive even the toughest situation because God instituted marriage as a lifetime commitment where problems and differences have to be worked out.

http://thepurposeoflife.org/

Choosing the right person/s to consult and involve in times of marriage crisis

While it is extemely important especially for women to have a confidante at the time of marriage crisis, Harold Sala forewarns of  being careful in opening up our marital problems. At the height of our marriage crisis, I deliberately chose friends whose opinions I highly regarded and trusted.  Even if the going gets tough, have control over the situation. Do not be overwhelmed and break out your bothering condition to just anyone. Instead of helping you analyze the situation and offer the most appropriate solution, they may end up ruining you.
Weighing differing and contradicting opinions and fighting for your choice

It's true that we can't think well if we are overwhelmed by a debilitating situation. But giving ourselves a moment of calmness will help us weigh opposing opinions. Even our own family may give contradicting opinions but don't panic. Some family members may just see your own side being related with you by blood so they sympathize with you but they may miss the bigger picture of the issues involved. Weigh the contradicting opinions and be strong enough to fight for your decision amidst criticisms.

Seeing a clearer picture by writing down on a piece of paper

One aunt who has been to so many marriage crises suggested writing on a piece of paper the reasons why we have to stay together or not. We were able to see a clearer picture and we both chose the positive side of it as it brought out so many strong reasons making a longer list to stay in our relationship. By doing so, our perspective changed and the hurt and confused feeling was replaced with a thinking and reasoning mind.

Forgiving, giving another chance and compromising

I've seen a number of strong marriages collapsing later mostly caused by betrayal.  So is it worth giving  your erring partner another chance? Sure, especially if you love each other and recognize your own failures or weaknesses why such a betrayal happened.
But even if you're completely innocent, forgive and give your erring partner another chance. However, to avoid repetition of the same mistake, come up with a compromise agreement. You deserve to be respected after making some amends to your own failures and weaknesses and both your willingness to work out the mess together. You may be reminded of the hurt again and again while coping but it's part of the healing process.

Reading books for enlightenment and guidance
It's quite helpful reading books on marriage such as Intended for Pleasure by Christian authors Ed and Gaye Wheat, The Act of Marriage by Tim and Beverly LaHaye who offer great help for couples equipping them how to handle marriage crises. John Gray's Men from Mars and Women from Venus helped me  and hubby a lot in understanding the differences between men and women such as ways of communicating and coping mechanisms. Women generally want to vent out their feeling right away while men have the tendency to cave in so communication isn't possible right there and then when a problem arises.  Making Marriage Work by Dr. Harold Sala discusses how we can improve our marriage by following God's plan not only sexually but also other aspects such  as communication, raising children, financial security, etc.  

Standing nose to nose, getting aired and cleared up
Finally, Biddulph advises that "for a marriage to survive, it is sometimes necessary to stand nose to nose... This is called 'truth time' - the time when differences that have been building up get aired and cleared".

You may want to read more interesting posts on "Surviving a marriage crisis" and related marital issues at Chrysalis where thinking women meet every first Monday of the month.  

Saving Thoughts for OFW's Kids

        One of the things we've learned here as OFWs is the value of saving. Hubby  is so amazed in seeing a bank car goes to his school regularly to have school kids' savings deposited into their own bank account. Yes, primary and elementary kids have their own savings growing in the bank. Some of his students have shown him their savings and he's so surprised to see that as early as Grade 2 or 3, they already got over a hundred thousand  baht (about 3,000 US dollars) in their own bank account.

         This attitude has something to do with the king's self-sufficiency economy. It encourages Thais to be self-sufficient and save for the rainy days. We  encouraged  our kids  to practice this and we motivated them to open their own bank account. At first, they had to keep secret from us if some uncles and aunts or mom and dad's friends  give them money as we ask them to have it deposited in their savings. It's really hard for us to implant in their young minds the value of saving. Probably because they don't see other kids around them doing that. If our country, especially at schools, will start doing this not just planting malunggays around schools, our country will be investing a lot for the future and the generations will keep it as a tradition. In here, even kids of bus drivers and street vendors have their own bank accounts. So we don't have any excuse not to start our baby with this kind of practice early on. And OFWs like us should think ahead, not just for the present by acquiring every latest trend particularly of technology and fashions that are just fleeting. And instead of showing off by giving out lots of pasalubongs, banca dito banca don or hosting a party here and there when going home, think that you may not be renewed the next year. Please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that we don't have to be generous. Many an OFWs ends up being busabos by being so impractical as magarbong balikbayan. OFW dependents should also remember that moms and dads have to struggle a lot being away from home so they must save as much as they can. They should know that their parents aren't picking up dollars on the streets.

         I felt really bad a couple of days ago when I went home upon seeing a fellow OFW's son playing the computer all day long until late night (with a cigar on one hand, pssst!). He didn't realize that his mom is still in debt just to satisfy his luho. Tsk! Tsk! Oh, it gives me a stronger reason not to pamper my own kids with non-essential things such as computer and PSP unless they know how to control themselves or if they have proper guidance! They should strive on their own to get the things they want. And they should know how to differentiate between NEED and WANT at early age. Let them learn, earn and save. Our failure to teach them these values will fire back to us, long distance parents.

         By the way, aside from the amount we send them to set aside for their savings monthly, we came up with a deal with that whenever they receive an unexpected amount from anyone, at least 50% of it will go to their savings. And it works despite their resistance at first. Kids are always kids! So Lola Carmen, Tita Glee, Tito Gerry, Tita Sandra and Tito Levi, Tita Tess, Mommy Susan, Mommy Dang, (can't name them all:), rest assured that what you have been giving is well accounted for by our young stewards.  Our youngest is even luckier to start saving at age one because of the influence in the environment. We always emphasize to our kids that they need to make it a habit to save everything not only money but also anything that has value, from mom and dad's, others'  or their own sweat . We tell them that the more they waste anything, the longer they make us and themselves suffer the great distance between us. 

 (The illustration above is courtesy of Bangkok Bank, which offers a zero tax program and higher interest rate for saving kids provided a minimum of 24 months of regular deposit is achieved.)

Marriage Monday: Killer Time Management for Busy Families

I missed joining this meaningful once-a-month meme. Thanks to Jona, a fellow mom from Binan, who paid me a visit here and reminded me of Marriage Monday through her entry as I visited her back. So here I am catching up with this month's topic which I can surely relate with being a mom myself.

As both hubby and I are working, we see to it that we give time for each of our three precious jewels. Thanks to what advance technology can offer we can now update each other even if our kids are miles away from us. Imagine centuries back when families had to wait for eternity to receive a letter from a loved one. There were no telephones or cellphones yet and telegram was yet expensive and people could say only a few words. But now, we can call or send an SMS very often by cellphones or even voice chat via Skype, Yahoo Messenger, etc. seeing our loved ones face-to-face via webcam while we talk to them. So we have no more excuse no matter how busy we are or how far we are from our kids as parents not to be able to communicate with them or to reach them out. It is just a matter of giving time. And of choice! I learned something great from the movie Voyage of the Unicorn that if we parents specify bonding time with our kids, they will always remember that. In the movie, the teenage girl always pauses at 3pm to bond with her mom in thought even after she already passed away. What a nice thought, isn't it? In our family, we lock off weekends for family time both for church and bonding together.

8-8-8 Principle. How it works?
We have 24 hours a day. How do we use these 24 hours? My Thai friend gave me a very feasible equation for this: 8 hours for work, 8 hours for sleep (exclusive for ourselves for good health and well-being so that we can be more effective in our work and in parenting) and 8 hours for miscellaneous. It may include 2 or 3 hours for household chores for us working moms if we don't have any helper (lucky if we have one we can use this time with kids and hubby and other relationships), an hour for exercise, an hour for our hobby such as reading (or blogging), an hour to go to the market or buy groceries, etc... and now how much is left? 2 hours? 30 minutes for eating, an hour for taking a shower, getting dressed and so on... 30 minutes left... So is this the only time left to bond with our kids and loved ones on a daily basis? If we still take this away from them, what will happen? We can no longer teach them the values we want them to learn. I remember my parents always gathering us when we were still kids for a family worship every night after dinner. That's the story time, Bible reading, values inculcation time and family prayer time. We grew up with the same pattern and this is what I want my kids to grow up with so that they can pass it on to the next generation in our family as well.

The longer family bonding time, not just the time when both hubby and I are tired from work or always rushing, is the weekend. We are more relaxed on weekends and thus we are more patient in dealing with our kids affording them more quality time. We go to church together, chat with each other, visit friends, learn things together such as cooking, have a picnic and play together at the park or do the things we enjoy together as a family.

No matter how busy we are, let's not rob away what our kids deserve to have with us. The wise King Solomon says, "there is time for everything under the sun". And there should always be time for our dear kids.

More interesting entries on the topic, Adding Kids to the Mix at Chrysalis.