Monday, March 7, 2011

When mistrust clouds marriage

Trust is a key element in marriage. When mistrust clouds the marriage, the marital journey will become shaky. A woman I know has just left her husband to have a space for breathing and to seek herself in a far away country for a while.  She related that she has felt being choked by the ways her husband shows mistrust to her. Even an SMS which came from an unnamed number but actually it was from her cousin caused a very big trouble as the angry husband called that number cursing the sender, to the embarrassment of his innocent wife. Mistrust sparks jealousy. But then, such mistrust is deep-rooted and can be explained from the mistrusting person's past experiences and background. This woman explained to me that her husband was once broken-hearted for discovering that his first wife was cheating on him. I explained to her that he hasn't moved on yet with that deep hurt and he might be so afraid that she would also do the same so she should always understand him and  assure him. I also suggested that she should always appreciate her husband for being such a good provider so that he can rebuild his trust. She will get back to rejoin her husband soon and promised to be more understanding, patient and appreciative.

Why is it important to keep reassuring each other in marriage? Because men are generally of few words than women, many husbands do not know how to express their appreciation towards their wife. But it is good for both spouses to practice what the Bible says: Proverbs 18:22 - He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor of God. The husband must, therefore, prove it so by communicating or expressing it to her. Women love to be assured of and hear this again and again yet many men don't realize this need. Constant communication builds trust,  which needs to be established over time especially for individuals who have past painful experiences causing them to mistrust others including their spouse. Wives should do the same, reassuring their husband of their love.

Of course, assurance or words should be coupled with action. If the husband reaffirms his love to his wife by whispering, "I love you", but he does not show it in deed, how can the wife trust him? Or if the wife says, "Im so sorry", but keeps repeating the same mistake, how can the husband believe and trust her? Well, another important marriage element comes in - forgiveness. When Peter asked Jesus how many times he has to forgive, He answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 8:28). And Jesus did forgive Peter even if he betrayed Him several times. Because married people stay closest  together more than any other people, they should learn this principle of untiring forgiveness when things go wrong so that they will last forever. I would like to end this post with this inspiring thought for a relationship where the man is from Mars and the woman is from Venus:

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.
Dinah Craik, A Life for a Life, 1859

Be inspired with more encouraging posts at Chrysalis hosted by e-Mom.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Becoming Flexitarian

The influence of my niece Jelome, whose dad is a health director, is quite strong. She stayed with us for just a month on a vacation but has left to us a remarkable footprint - our becoming a vegetarian. But ours is a flexitarian-type, a new coinage for a category of vegetarian who eats plant-based products most of the time but may eat meat once in while. But in the broader category, we can be typified as pescatarian/pescetarian as we include fish in our diet. For Jelome, she also eats fish but not meat at all even in parties or dining out occasions. For me and hubby, we are still flexible when the situation demands being new to it. However, it is good for hubby to completely avoid meat, major contributors of bad cholesterol and triglycerides - culprits for hypertension and heart diseases. His annual medical check-up results have consistently shown he got high risks for both as his LDL(bas cholesterol) and triglycerides are quite high every year. Thus, becoming vegetarian in the family is the right way to go, otherwise, the head of our family, whose mom and uncle passed away due to hypertension, will not also be able to see or enjoy his grandchildren as hypertension runs in his bloodline.

As the household-and-kitchen-manager, I see to it that I prepare a wide variety of plant-based food. It's good that there is abundant supply of vegetarian stuff to buy around here in Thailand. One kind I like which is very versatile is soya gluten/ soy protein available in supermarkets here. With it, I can make one of the family's favorite dishes, caldereta (stew) which is shown in the picture above. I also use it for my vegetarian pancit using yakisoba noodles or even in my vegetarian spaghetti.

What about you, dear friends? Do you have any healthy habit you have practiced lately or healthy recipe to share? March is Nutrition Month so let's share anything about healthy living and nutrition here the whole month to support the world campaign for eating not just nutritious but healthy food.